Singles Awareness
February 14 is the feast of Saint Valentine. Not much is really known about this guy, but he somehow managed to get on the bad side of one Claudius II, Emperor of Rome, who had him beheaded around the year 270. Our own popular conception of Valentine’s Day probably has its roots in one particular story that pits him as a temple priest defying Claudius’s ban on Christian marriage and engagement ceremonies. Valentine urged young lovers to turn away from the nonsensical fertility rituals of pagan Rome and experience the fullness of Holy Matrimony. Whatever the details, Saint Valentine’s Day has since become a staple in the commercial holiday industry as something of an international express-your-affection day. Go to any store right about now and sooner or later you’ll find yourself surrounded by an assortment of flowers, chocolates, hearts, and all manner of trinkets designed to conjure up a little romance.
Moving on. Every year I also hear another name for Valentine’s Day being bandied around: Singles Awareness Day (SAD). Allow me to explain. This little bit of grey humor is an informal holiday created and embraced over time by folks lacking that “special someone” who feel deserving of celebration nonetheless. A typical observance of Singles Awareness Day might include, for instance, buying oneself chocolates (I actually do this fairly often anyway) or spending the day with other single friends. At its best, the basic point that SAD is trying to make is that you can lead a perfectly happy, fulfilling life without being in a romantic relationship. At its worst, SAD becomes a holiday of cynicism and selfishness. You either spend the day fondly looking forward or wallowing in the past. Either way, it seems that Valentine’s Day conjures up some strong feelings and that’s no surprise. Let’s dig a little deeper.
Looking into our hearts, I think we young people can all agree that the nature of our relationships and romance take up a surprising amount of time in both our own thoughts and our dealings with other people, even if this is not always obvious. This is natural and human. God is love. Love made us and we are continually seeking love; we are restless until we come into full communion with God as love. But the world we live in does not often foster the pursuit of true love as the greatest good. In fact, modern secular society is not unlike St. Valentine’s Rome. It’s saturated with a perverted understanding of sex and love that places material pleasure and objectification of others above all else. As a young guy striving to live the good life, I’m acutely aware of this. For me, going out in the world means being routinely bombarded with the temptations of this culture. The influence of the secular world and its watering down of love and sexuality is strong and apparent even among Catholic youth.
So let’s connect the dots here. I think the secular world’s extolling of sexual libertinism has contributed to this budding propensity among youth to think of singlehood – that is, not being involved in a romantic relationship with another person – in the wrong kind of light. Some view it as nothing more than an embarassing transitional period, something to be hurried through: Find someone special or discern a celibate vocation as soon as possible and move on with life! Others view it more like a cave in which they can hide from any responsibility or hardship: Don’t commit to anything or anyone and you can play it safe! Then still there are those who treat it more like a free trial membership: You’ve got to date around and test the waters before you know what you want!
I think all of these fall severely short of the fullness of singlehood. But then the question arises: What is the essence of singlehood? What must the single and searching person do to find fulfilment outside of ending his singlehood?
Here’s a suggestion : singles awareness.
What does that mean? What does it mean to be truly aware of your singlehood? Well, start off by letting go of any anxiety or cynicism in your relationships with others. Realize that you have been given a time in your life in which to grow in intimacy with God and in friendship with His children. Do not immediately look upon others as potential romantic interests, but as sisters and brothers in Christ. Granted, this is easier said than done, but I can say from personal experience that your efforts will be greatly rewarded.
The truth is, I’m young yet, and only very recently did I begin to internalize all of this. I know there is always the temptation to view romance as a means of emotional and spiritual fulfillment, as a way of filling that inner void with which we are all created. But I have to remind myself that even the most perfect spouse will never be able to do this! That void is the longing for union with God, and only God can fill it. I can now say with certainty that I am thankful for being single at the moment. I have the awesome opportunity to develop the foundations for a life of virtue rooted in my relationship with God above all things. This, I think – this relationship with Christ, who, as the Bridegroom of the Church, is the most perfect spouse – is probably the single most important key to a successful relationship with another person. And as singles, that should be our priority: forming ourselves and forming Christian relationships with others so that we may fully enjoy God’s plans for us, be it marriage, priesthood, or religious life.
So this Valentine’s Day week – when so many will be speaking of “love in the air” – if you happen to find yourself reflecting on your singlehood, I encourage you to make Christ that “special someone” in your life. There is no greater love.
And heck! Get yourself some chocolates.
Tags » Relationships Romance Love Christian Living Spiritual ReflectionsRelated posts
I agree, maybe some people haven´t thought about it in this way… Congrats Great Article!!
I enjoyed reading this article because Spencer’s masterpiece ranged from elements of humor, juxtaposition, and the beauty of diction. Spencer revealed the truth of what our “modern secular society” brainwashes us with on a daily basis, and the hardships that we young Catholics have to face to live above the influence in order to strive for a better and healthy future. We never consider our love relationship with God because we are blinded by the belief that “If we are single there is really no one physically out there that truly loves us.” Spencer you wrote a wonderful article that captivated my mind. Congratulations, it was great.
Your friend,
Xochil Ordonez
Thank you for writing this. It was something I needed to read.
Spencer, thank you very much for this very informative, and to-the-point statement.
I can see the points you’re trying to make. In a way, we kind of abuse, and slaughter the purpose of Valentines Day. By no doubt can we see that Valentines Day has a significant effect on the market, and the personalities of other people. Sometimes though it frustrates me quite a good deal knowing this: People out there suffer, and are sometimes over-worked by the rushing of today’s world.
A lot of the time (Around 99.9% of the time) in Valentines Day we focus on everything, sometimes spending the hundreds of dollars to convey a message across – the message of “Hey, I want to be your Valentine” (And heck! It’d be great to be a girl on Valentine’s day, but this is besides the point). A lot of the time though, we tend to forget about the people in the world that do need love – people that don’t think they have hope, what happens to them?
So a good deal, and wealth of knowledge is expressed an article of this. And maybe we can learn from a day like this – to give the rose to the one who has no one else, and to show the real meaning of love: To care, and love the people the way Christ did – who has encouraged St. Valentine’s to do what he did.
Loved it, there’s a lot of imagination in it, and such an inspiration not just for the ones that are single, but for the ones that have a vocation that requires giving yourself to God. So proud of you Spencito :)
The deal is that not only Vakentine´s Day will have an internal influence on us, the deal is what truly doesn´t now days, how pasive we are being slightly attacked every single day of the year to try to find happyness in everyway possible. the fact is truly traying to avoid all kinds of ways, and making a life of our own, think for just one second tht there is anothe reality somewhere outside our world, that do not even know what valentine´s Day is, and is not because they don´t care, its because they can´t even enjoy this day without having to worry about surviving.
being single or being in a relationship, in my opinion, both go to the same direction, even religion, they help up make the internal journey